I was worried to discuss this at first, but now I think there is only one prudent course of action to take - I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
I think I'm being stalked by Alice Cooper.
The other day, Dom and I looked at the pictures from our trip to Japan and we came across something we didn't notice before:
Frankly, it left us a bit shaken, startled and concerned. My knees shook together audibly for three days. I couldn't go outside without looking over my shoulder. I even had dry mouth. Yes, dry mouth. Anyhow, today I finally gathered enough courage to share my nighmare with all of you.
That picture was taken last week in Japan. I'm in Fargo today. I'm not sure, but I have a creeping suspicion that Alice Cooper is coming to Fargo North Dakota today to stalk me. He even planned a concert here Monday night as an excuse to be in Fargo the same night as me. Well, my courage has not waned and I promise you that there will be no more shaking knees and definitely no more dry mouth. That's right, I'm giving you a no dry mouth guarantee. And yes, in case you were wondering, that's an iron-clad guarantee.
I've got a message for you, Alice Cooper:
Hey Stoopid - I'm fed up with your stalking ways. If I find out that you are in Fargo North Dakota, stalking me, then it's going to be No More Mr. Nice Guy from this Desperado. I'm not Eighteen - School's Out buster. If you wanna come around here and Feed My Frankenstein, go right ahead, but remember, It's My Body, I Never Cry and this time it's just You and Me. I've got a rental car. It's a Subaru. A red Subaru. If you wanna be Under My Wheels, then go right ahead: I'll be happy to Welcome you To My Nightmare.
Lock your doors, it's going to be Dangerous Tonight - Kyle