offers for one recording contract

**IMPORTANT**
These offers are for the recording contract. If you want to make a trade for any of these items listed below, PLEASE MAKE ME AN OFFER FOR THE ONE YOU WANT! It will be very easy for me to choose which of the below items to take if my next trade is already lined up! Thanks - Kyle.
********** BE CREATIVE! I'm not holding out for any offer in particular and I don't expect to get a house for this recording contract. However, my offer still stands that I will trade the recording contract on the spot for a REAL General Lee - which I'm sure we can all agree will be the best intermediate trade item of all time. Ever. **********
Send your trade offer to: oneredpaperclip@gmail.com or let me know which one you think I should take!
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THE OFFERS
25 snowboard face lifts
Kyle, I just heard about your web-site and think it is an incredible idea and no matter what you think of the trade offer, I wish you the best of luck! Here it is, my daughter is 8 years old and loves to sing. She has an amazing voice. She has been singing locally and in the kids choir, the only problem has been finding a recording studio that is professional and affordable. I would love to offer in trade, 25 custom Facelifts! I will personally design and manufacture 25 custom Facelifts for you to use, or trade, on your way to your new house. If your curious what a Facelift is and why you might need 25 of them, let me explain. A Facelift is an incredible way to customize your snowboard. www.faceliftconcepts.com Being from Canada, I would assume you know a little something about the snow. Facelifts are high quality, do-it-yourself custom top-sheets, that can be applied to any snowboard. They are incredibly durable and will last for years. You can use the Facelift to make an old board look new again or to customize and protect a new board. We work with amazing designers that would be able to help you in creating your custom graphics. In your case Kyle, I was thinking a red paperclip. If not you, then this can also easily be traded to companies looking for a creative way to advertise their business or a team/club that would love a unique and uniform look when they are on the slopes. This chance to see my daughter record her music would be unbelievable. This opportunity for my daughter, Taylor, who loves nothing more then to sing, is truly a once in a lifetime chance. I can send you some of her incredible vocals if you are interested. I appreciate your time and hope that we can make this trade. Brandon Hey Brandon, when I first got your offer I thought it was for, like, real face, facelifts. But now that I've checked out your site I can see it's much more of an alpine snowboard thing. Yes, being from Canada, I can assure you that it is very important to keep your snowboard in prime condition at all times. You don't want to ride around on an old plank full of sagging features and wrinkles. I think somebody out there will be very intersted in a package of 25 facelifts. Snowobard facelifts, that is. -- Do you want 25 snowboard facelifts? If you do, send in your offer for Brandon's 25 facelifts to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** one acre in Jamaica
How does one acre 21 years lease in the hills of Jamaica sound? 7 miles from the ocean, 3 miles from the famous YS falls. River runs trough it. the future site of Camp Canada. Greetings my name is Blackwood, original member of Canada's reggae premiere band Messenjah. twelve time music award winner as solo artist. we have 75 acres of land in the hills of ST Elizabeth Jamaica real eco area. i grew up there and I will be setting up a camp in honor of Canadians and all travelers who like to see the quiet side of Jamaica. the Ipswich train station is three miles away, the main hwy to Kingston and Negril is five miles down the hill. I have written the songs and I would love to do my next CD at Metalworks. www.indiejungle.xbuild.com Cool. I've never even been to Jamaica. It'd be kinda neat to own a 21 year lease in Jamaica, if even just until I make the next trade! There's gotta be soembody out there who'll like one acre in Jamaica. -- Do you want one acre in Jamaica If you do, send in your offer for One Acre in Jamaica to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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One Year in Phoenix phoenix
Kyle, here's my offer: One year free rent in the heart of downtown Phoenix, as well as roundtrip airfare for two from any major airport in North America. (If needed, the apartment could also come fully furnished.) Live right in the heart of downtown Phoenix. Short walk to Roosevelt Arts District, Major Arts and Entertainment Facilities, Sports Arenas, ASU Downtown Campus, the Capitol, etc. 1BR, 1Bath, historic bungalow style duplex with 9 foot ceilings, oak floors, living room with fireplace, separate dining room, new kitchen, laundry room. 700 square feet. I can throw in four third-row tickets to an AZ Diamondbacks game, which is walking distance to the recipients new home. I'll even fly up to you to make the exchange. :) - Jody - www.jodygnant.com Map to location here. Wow Jody. A year is a long time to offer rent! I'm sure there is somebody in Phoenix or who wants to move to Phoenix who'll really like this. The baseball tickets might just be the icing on the cake. -- Do you want one year of FREE rent in Phoenix? If you do, send in your offer for One Year in Phoenix to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Joshua's Job
Kyle, My name is Joshua Path. I live in Los Angeles, and, like everyone else in this city, I am a singer/songwriter. I would love to get my hands on that recording contract. Here's my offer: My job. I am a copywriter for Lexus. I am offering you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to write exciting, provacative ads (that's TV, print, AND radio) for a luxury car company. Here are some of the perks: -long hours, including nights and weekends -mind-numbing meetings -coffee that causes you to have conversations with God -free staples -copious amounts of rejection -window office that looks out on beautiful downtown El Segundo Don't jump at this too quickly. Take your time. Think it over. (But if act right now, I'll throw in my 1999 Gold Pencil Award.) If you'd like to know more about me, you can visit joshuapath.com. Good luck with everything. Josh Wow Josh. You really know how to sell something! You should be in advertising! Well, I'm pretty sure there's a whole herd of people chomping at the bit to fill your shoes, so I'm adding this to the pile of offers. -- Do you wan't Joshua's job? If you do, send in your offer for Joshua's Job to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Duke's Royal Spa Hair Removal Experience
Kyle, Ok let's get straight to the nitty gritty. I will trade for your record contract, one hair removal experience. I am in Tennessee and have a medical spa. I will provide hair removal for one man and one woman. Imagine a woman never having to shave her legs or armpits again. Or a man never again having to shave their face or no longer having back hair. With the magic of Laser Hair removal it can be a reality. It takes 4-8 treatments and costs between one and two thousand dollars per person. I realize this would only be useful to someone in TN or KY so maybe they could trade me something that you want. I want to make my second record www.dukeboles.com -- You can check out the spa here http://www.bellamedspa.com/ Out, Duke Boles
Hey Duke, you got that right: nitty gritty. I'm not the slightest bit interested in trading the recording contract for a two-person hair removal experience (which I'm sure is quite the experience), but I think you might've just de-throned the full body tattoo as the most strange offer yet. Props for offering something useful/funny. This will sure make it easier for on-air light-hearted small talk. Hey, you never know, maybe somebody will offer me something unbelievable for this... -- Are you hairy? Do you live in Tennessee or Kentucky? Then make an offer for Duke's Royal Spa Hair Removal Experience to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Allison's Awesome Acoustic Dedication
My Name is Allison. I am a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. For your recording contract I would record and arrange a song in your honor and make sure it had hooks and all the licensing potential in the world. It would be part of the album that I created in Toronto, and when the baby started to sell I would give you 50% profits, as promised in a contract we would draw up. I am already beginning to sell my own album at an indie level that keeps spreading. Your recording contract could be the tipping point, and if it was, you'd have a lot of money in your hands. Bless you and good luck in your search, Allison www.myspace.com/allisonsattinger Allison, I'm touched that you'd write a song with hooks and licensing potential in my honor. People offer me songs all the time, but sadly, they usually fail to include the vital hooks and licensing potential we've all grown to love. But remember, since you're not offering a house, I'll need to re-trade this offer right away. Hey, maybe you can record a song in somebody else's honor? I think somebody out there will really like that. I like listening to songs about other people. Songs like this. Anyhow, I'm going to put this offer up here in the hopes that you can record a song dedicated to the person who makes you an offer for your song. -- Does that sound like you? Do you want Allison to record a song with hooks and licensing potential in your honor? If so, send in your offer for Allison's Awesome Acoustic Dedication to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Manakin's Winnebago Marketing Madness

Hey Kyle, I was just turned on to your website about five minutes ago by a friend at work, and I think it is great. My band, Manakin, has an idea to help fund our nation wide tour, and you might be interested in what we’re doing. We are purchasing a 27’ RV/Winnebago for our tour, and we selling advertising spots on the outside of the RV and our equipment trailer. A 1’X1’ advertising space on our trailer is going for $100. I am willing to give up a huge advertising space to any company that will trade you something for it. On average nation wide companies spend thousands of dollars a month in advertising, we will give them a full 1 year advertisement spot on our RV in hopes that they will trade you something worth while for it. This RV is going to be part of a documentary called “The Underdog Tour: Life on the road,” and is going to get major media attention. Can you imagine a 27’ tour bus with thousands of different advertisements on it, driving across country, stopping at every major city? We will also put links on our bands website for their company, give special thanks on our documentary, and give shout outs to them in any national magazine that interviews us or any news stations that do a spot on us. If we trade, I will also help promote your website….my band is going to be on ENTV, an online television station that has a show called Late Night with Alex. This is filmed in Los Angeles, and we will tell them all about your idea if we can trade. The amount of advertising that this will give a company could be upwards of $80,000-$100,000 worth. Thanks, hope to hear back from you soon. Daniel Martin - Manakin Singer/Guitar Player -- www.manakinmusik.com -- www.myspace.com/manakinmusik

Daniel, this is quite the offer. Definitely the kind of thing a company might want. Some serious advertising potential. Sounds like you guys are gonna have a sweet tour! I think everyone would like to tour around in a Winnebago, well, I know I would at least. I'll trade with you, but I'll need somebody to make me an offer for this first if I'm going to take it for the recording contract. -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Manakin's Winnebago Marketing Madness to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Kyle Not Ricky's Radronic Webtacular Awesomeness
Kyle, ironically we have the same name. Even more ironically a few weeks ago I walked out the Holiday Inn by the Pearson Internation Airport, drunk as hell from the night before, still smelling like booze I sat down in my car. I took a moment and paused to reconsider my ability to drive and during that moment I saw the most amazing thing starring at me through the passenger side window. A large cubevan with KYLE NOT RICKY {insert paper clip} written on the door. I figuratively 'lost it' and started yelling and took a picture. I proceeded to spend the next 5 days responding to any question I didn't feel like answer with, It's KYLE not RICKY! After a short talk with google I found your blog and your current offer. I once again lost it. This time it was the real thing. I have been involved with bands, music and recording since I was old enough to spit and I want to make you an offer not only because I want to record my band the steady state (www.thesteadystate.com) but also because I know your going to get that house and I want to help.... SO, here is my offer: I will provide any one individual, or company, free web-development, domain-registration, maintinence, hosting, search engine optimization and e-commerce development for a Content Management, and or Web 2.0 application/intranet/community of their choosing for life. Heard of webmaster? Try webslave. For life. This is something that can range to upwards of $80 000 worth of work over my life time, provided for free. I am a graduate of the Humber Institute of Arts and Technology for Advanced Web-Programming, I currently am employed by the canadian entrepneur of the year, and I have built large applications for a number of Fortune 500 companies including Verizon Super Pages. In return for this amazing metal works deal I also agree to name the recorded album, KYLE NOT RICKY in honour of me freaking out at the sight of your van. Cheers. Kyle Campbell - GIVERHARD RECORDS www.giverhard.com Kyle, great name. I'd have to say that there's pretty much nothing ironic about us having the same name or that you saw the cube van in Toronto, but it's definitely a radronic story. This is the kind thing that might fetch a really cool offer, so let's see how she goes: -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Kyle Not Ricky's Radronic Webtacular Awesomeness to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Fierita's Fantastically Fun Football Coverage + Sponsorship Potential
Kyle: This is Fierita from Argentina. I'm the World's Funniest Reporter, I travel around the world getting superstars to laugh. In the past I interviewed Sylvester Stallone, Kim Bassinger, U2, The Rolling Stones, etc. I offer you my services to make 3 Junket interviews plus (or big event coverage) PLUS the coverage of Germany Soccer World Cup Final. For that matter I must be provided with plane tickets (round trip from Argentina) and acommodation, a daily per diem of Euros 100 for food and telephone bills, but NOT SALARY AT ALL this is what you may offer to any TV Channel around the globe. I speak English, Spanish and Portuguese. You can see the quality of my work and this super stars laughing viewing my trailer at youtube or Google Video I also as a bonus may offer you to do such pieces with a sponsor shirt. (We may even negotiate to extend the sponsor clothing to the full world cup coverage in case I get to do it) You can find pictures of my interviews at www.fierita.com Cheers - Fierita Hey Fierita! Great videos of you doing what you do! This is a very cool offer you have here - definitely unique. I guess this will appeal mostly to TV stations or production companies looking for coverage of Germany 2006, but I'm sure there's somebody out there who'll find this impossible to turn down. Let's find out! -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Fierita's Fantastically Fun Football Coverage + Sponsorship Potential to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Jessica's Monthly Snack Pack Attack
Kyle,Hi there! I am in Nebraska and have an odd offer for this recording contract you have up for trade..... I work in a factory where we produce potato chips of many different variety. I am willing to purchase and ship one case of chips or other snacks we offer every month (of your choice), for 2 years. Thank you - Jessica Snacks for songs eh? I like it. Hopefully somebody out there likes the sound of a monthly snack shipment! -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Jessica's Monthly Snack Pack Attack to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Shane's Super Spectacular NASCAR Sponsorship Special
nascar My name is Shane Harding. I live in Langley, BC Canada. I won the Evergreen Speedway Championship last year in Monroe Washington USA. I will be racing this season on the Nascar Autozone Northwest Elite Divison with my father Peter Harding the former 1999 Nascar Northwest Champion. I would like to offer one year free advertising on the hood of my racecar. This Nascar division races in Washington, Idaho, and California for the top ten drivers at the end of the year telivised live on Speedchannel from Irwindale Speedway. This is the last year of this Nascar Division so it will be an awesone year to participate in one of the largest growing sports. Nascar is one of the fastest most exciting sports and the hood of a racecar is an awesome spot to promote your product or service. Nascar fans are loyal to sponsors. So this is an amazing trade offer. Thanks - Shane Harding - ShaneCity Racing Nice! I think NASCAR is definitely somewhere this trade should go! I gotta be honest though, somebody out there is going to have to make me a pre-trade offer for this if I'm gonna trade the recording contract for it.... -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Shane's Super Spectacular NASCAR Sponsorship Special to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Christine's Pandas Plus A Whole Lot More
In exchange for a recording contract, I will trade you one SEA TURTLE, one ASIAN ELEPHANT, one PANDA BEAR, one POLAR BEAR, one piece of CORAL REEF and an acre of BOREAL FOREST. So here's the deal, through World Wildlife Fund Canada's adoption program (www.wwf.ca/HowYouCanHelp/PandaStore), I will adopt in your name 4 endangered wild species, a piece of coral reef and an acre of boreal forest (at 40 dollars a piece that equals a donation of $200 to WWF) -- WWF of course will send you an adoption kit for each animal including a name and picture of your adopted animal, a miniature stuffed animal version of your animal and an information package about the endangered species you are helping to protect -- AND HERE's THE CLINCHER: For your next trade, I will ADOPT IN THE NEXT SUCCESSFUL TRADER'S NAME 4 MORE ENDANGERED SPECIES, A PIECE OF REEF and MORE BOREAL FOREST, resulting in a 400 dollar donation in total to WWF Canada. That way if you make the trade with me, not only will I make the adoptions happen for OUR trade endeavor, I will also fund the adoption for the next trade endeavor between yourself and whomever you next strike a deal with. ADMIT IT, IT's AWESOME! I'm telling you, I'm your girl (well, no, I am fully aware and supportive of your girlfriend being your girl and hey, I'll even adopt a panda bear, a sea turtle, an elephant and a polar bear for her!) Anyway. Kyle, I hope you did have a chance visit my website and check out my songwriting - www.betarecords.com/christine.fleury - and I really hope I'll be the one whose dreams you make come true! Good luck with the trading!! yours sincerely Christine Fleury Hey Christine, now this is a very cool idea, and will go to a very worthy cause, but I have to admit, after reading the offer several times, I have no idea what I'm left with to trade next. I hope someobdy out there will see the true potential of this item and make an offer for it. -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Christine's Pandas Plus A Whole Lot More to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Linday's Banff Getaway and Eternal Gratitude
Hey Kyle, I'd like to trade you the recording contract for one week of skiing in the Banff area of the Canadian Rockies. I'll arrange the trip for this year or next year. This package will include; - 7 days and night in a Banff hotel - Flight to and from Calgary from anywhere in Canada - Transportation to and from Calgary to Banff and daily transportation to the hill - A week ski pass good for three mountains (Sunshine, Lake Louise and Norquay) - Lifelong gratitude I hope you want to make the trade.If you do, I'll give it to my sister so she can record her first album. If you want to check out her music, go to www.myspace.com/lambertlyrics. Hope to hear from you. Lindsay Nice! I think the ski trip is pretty cool and I can personally vouch that Banff is probably the raddest place on earth, but I think what you're really offering here is eternal gratitude. I'm sure somebody out there will find eternal gratitude essential and might make a great offer for it! -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Lindays Banff Getaway and Eternal Gratitude to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Alistair's Radical Rocking Guitar
Hello, We have a mint condition Paul Reed Smith custom 24 10 top electric sex machine of a guitar worth £2900 which we would like to offer you for the record contract. We are a UK band and can easily get to Toronto for the contract. Look! Your website has made it all the way over to the UK!!!! Please let us know what you think. Alistair McMillan www.myspace.com/darwyn Very cool. I bet that guitar rocks! Let's see what the people say... -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer Alistair's Radical Rocking Guitar to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Emilio's 14 month Mexican Beach Bar Bonanaza
Hey Kyle, I'm emilio, from mexico. I figure there are a lot of people out there who would trade their house for the chance to run a licensed bar right on the beach. A turnkey beach clubhouse with liquor licence with 2 rooms (one with ocean view!) to live durinWith a little hard work you can earn enough cash in a year to buy a new house! So i'm offering to lend a beautiful 5000 sq feet club house in a lovely town 12 miles from acapulco bay. Only 3 1/2 hours by car, 30 minutes by plane (the closest beach) from one of the largest cities in the world: mexico city its located right on the beach on the pacific ocean, on a favorite surfing and powerkite spot. we ran it for a couple of seasons as a kite center but have recently renovated it to enter a small chain of restaurant-bars. all the necessary paperwork for it to operate is ready, the thing is we have done type of work (bar and entertainment) for a decade now an we're looking for new horizons so a break from the routine for some time would be nice. we are not musicians but have produced a number of pretty succesful shows so now we're ready to try new stuff; producing a good record sounds interesting. The offer includes: •14 month continous "lending"(comodato in mexican legal rap) contract for the beach house, furnishings and food and drink equipment (fridge, feezer, stove, oven,keg machine,mugs, pitchers, plates, blenders, grills, neon signs, etc...). we figure during the raining season its slow so we're giving out 12 full sunny months of work. During those months minor adaptations, planning and ajustments are ideal. •the use for the duration of the contract of our well established commercial name: Burma Cafe •Legal, supply (dealers) and commercial contacts and advise for the duration of the contract. • 2 fully furnished bedrooms (TV, A/C, DVD, shower and WC) on the site for boarding for the duration of the contract. •100 black and 100 red promotional freezbees with the name and logo of Burma Cafe. •50 Corona promotional plastic mugs (more available through sponsorships) •60 Corona promotional keychains(also more available upon inquiry) NOTE: utilities and operational costs not included. So go ahead! Live the dream of a bar on the beach! Yours truly, Emilio Wow. Now this is totally different than anything anybody has offered yet. Quite the opportunity! I think somebody will find this very very interesting. -- Do you want this? Help me make my trade decision by making an offer for Emilio's 14 month Mexican Beach Bar Bonanaza to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Mar2ian's Melodic Metalhead Piano
It is every unsigned bands dream, to get into a 1st class studio, and do it professionally. I am Martin, known to most here in Calgary as mar2ian. (www.myspace.com/mar2ian) I drive bus as my full time job but I also manage a local band called Halo ( www.mycorruption.com & http://www.myspace.com/mycorruption ) , I am a moderator in www.albertametal.net and I am a booking agent for The Warehouse Nightclub and Underground Pub here in town. i really don't have anything to match the value of what you are presently sitting on, best I could come up with is my 19th century Upright Grand piano, but it is not an equitable trade to further your objectives. What I am going to do is post your site in www.albertametal.net and let all my Alberta friends and fellow musicians know about it, perhaps I can help someone else fulfil their dream. Halo will have their day, just not now. :> Cheers and good luck mon ami. Cool, I bet I'm gonna get lots of Alberta metal bands ready to throw down for the recording contract. Some real Giv'n'er FUBAR lovin' metalheads may be just the way to go! I don't know about the piano, but you made an offer, so she's up there. -- Does anybody want this? Send me your offer for Mar2ian's Melodic Metalhead Piano to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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Mark's Six Strings and Eternal Gratitude
OK I'm going out on a limb here because I don't really have anything worthy of trading for a recording contract. But It's too good of a thing to not try at all. I play in the Calgary based metal band Wormbox, and we're planning to record a full length CD starting in the next couple months. This would be way too cool of an opportunity for us. You can find out more about us at the following sites. www.wormbox.net www.myspace.com/wormbox As for a trade the only material things I could offer would be the free guitars I saw you mention - Jackson Kelly (with EMG 81) - ESP Ltd F200 ((with EMG 81) And a Zoom MRS-802 Digital 8 track Recorder That's it, that's all. Plus eternal gratitude, and I guess a really interesting chapter in a future episode of Behind The Music. Mark Fiset Yes, the Behind the Music really is the wildcard there...Maybe somebody out there REALLY wants to get their hands on those guitars....you never know. -- Does anybody want this? Send me your offer for Mark's Six Strings and Eternal Gratitude to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Jason's Great Graphics Grab-bag
Kyle: I am a graphic designer in Springfield, Illinois. I will trade you 160 hours (negotiable) of professional graphic design service for your "one recording contract". In 1999, I graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign as both the Outstanding Graduating Senior in the graphic design program and the School of Art & Design. I worked in the Chicago area before settling in Springfield. I have experience in numerous areas of design: identity & stationary systems (logo, business card, letterhead, envelope), marketing collateral (brochure), poster/display, book, ad, annual report, invitation, packaging (including CD), environmental graphics (signage), web (static, Flash), type design, illustration. Here's some websites I designed: www.tomlange.com www.adme.org www.ahra.com www.kwik-wall.com Thanks... Jason Those sites look good. I know somebody around here who needs a website redesign... -- Does anybody want this? Send me your offer for Jason's Great Graphics Grab-bag to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Valentine's 5 Point Rocker
Hi, I belong to a band called Valentene (www.valentene.net / www.myspace.com/valenteneband). For the recording contract, I am willing to offer 5 points on every CD sale that comes out of the recordings--this could be handled contractually, and co-writing credits for every song on the album (and you don't have to write a thing), and a perminent spot in the band as a 2nd guitar player (we would teach you the parts, and make them simple, so even if you had never played you could be a part of the band). As an added bonus you would receive a high quality guitar to own as rhythmn guitarist for our band. Points huh? I like points. I also like free guitars. They rock. -- Does anybody want this? Send me your offer for Valentine's 5 Point Rocker to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Chris's Bulldog Bourbon Bender
good luck big fella- am an Aussie am in london listening to 96fm at work,(great interveiw by the way) i run a crackin bar in the middle of the city. Great idea mate, can offer a ticket to london for you and a stay at one my mates palaces! and a party night at my bar - beers,boubon and loose women will all be supplied, hope you can do it- not sure what i'll do with a recording contract as have the voice of a bulldog strangling a llama!! cheers mate chris pollitt, Jamies Bar -London You never know...a bulldog strangling a llama might give you that edge on the rest of the competition out there. Definitely a powerful image. -- Do you want this? Send your offer for Chris's Bulldog Bourbon Bender to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Jacqueline's cookies or karats
Hi Kyle, my name is Jacqueline. I was born and raised in Edmonton, Alberta. I heard you speak on 630 CHED the other day and found your story very intriguing. I left Edmonton in 1983 and moved to Vancouver with my Dad. We started up a cookie business there. Needless to say I am still involved with it 23 years later. I have lived in Vancouver, Toronto and Phoenix from 1995 – 2004. Returned to Edmonton in April 2004. I started up a fundraising company called Dough to Dough. I sell to schools, soccer clubs, hockey, gymnastics, etc. Enough about me! Here is my offer: I have a diamond ring with 4, ¼ karat diamonds in it. It is 14 karat gold. I don’t know what it is worth today but it was appraised at over $4,500.00 in 1989 (ish). So WHO KNOWS????????? I have a friend who can appraise it with in a day. If you don’t like the first offer and you would rather have cookie dough, well, I have and unlimited supply and would be willing to bake some cookies for you to taste. YUM! Being from Vancouver I would think you would have heard of English Bay Batter. This is our family business. We make a MEAN cookie. Best you’ll ever eat! Not sure how many cookies it takes to build a house but let’s find out! Sincerely, Jacqueline -- English Bay batter / Doug to Dough Cookies and Karats eh? I can't really think of anything better than IMMENSE amounts of English Bay Cookies. Growing up in Vancouver, I practically lived off English Bay Batter cookie Dough. (raw, out of the bucket) Hmmm, just thinking of what we can do to re-trade cookies or karats. If you have any ideas how we can set up something attractive to re-trade, let me know! **Also I see you didn't add a link to English Bay Cookies - here t'is: www.englishbaycookies.com -- Buy these cookies! -- Do you want this? Send your offer for Jacqueline's cookies or karats to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Live-n-Breathe Germany-Virginia + Groupies + Points
Kyle: I will trade you free accomodations in south Germany for life. Make that Virginia also! I have apartments in both places and will offer you free stays for the rest of your life. I can arrange it so, you will have the place to yourself if you wish at every stay! Plus: My band has distribution with ADA and for all Walmart stores 700+ in North America....so I can trade you in addition: points in almost any amount you wish. Also we have distribution in several european countries.....as bonus opportunities for you! We plan to do a 118 show walmart tour this summer of the U.S. but our label is slow on paying for the production. We can give you publishing points as well! Also, I don`t know your moral compass.....but we have many female fans who are over 18, and attractive.....very attractive who would enjoy meeting you for long periods of time for conversation or whatever crossed your mind! The willing female fans are European..... Virginia fans are more conservative. Think it over and let me know! We have an interesting marketing idea which we have been keeping to ourselves until the release.....it will give us a niche no other band has ever filled!-Bry - www.live-n-breathe.com Hmmm, sounds cool. Publishing points and unlimited accomodations in South Germany & Virginia as well as unlimited access to groupies! My girlfriend definitely won't have a problem with me RE-TRADING this ASAP. -- Do you want this? Send your offer for Live-n-Breathe Germany-Virginia + Groupies + Points to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Full Body Mugwump Tattoo
Kyle, It's me, CrittendenIV, from the Fellaheen Radio Network and the band MugWump. I once offered to trade you a musical experience on stage in exchange for the Yhak trip. Now, I have an even better trade for the recording contract. Kevin Hamlin, the guitarist for the band, is a professional tattoo artist in Corvallis, Oregon. He is my personal favorite tattoo artist. He is willing to trade an entire full body tattoo of whatever you or someone else wants tattooed across their ENTIRE body. This is a package worth between $20,000 - $35,000 dollars. Why is offering this? Well, because we need to record the album in the proper way. :) here's a link to his work: http://fellaheenradionetwork.com/?p=570 So the trade for one recording contract could be a full body piece of art. Personally, I think the trade from a full body tattoo to a something else even bigger would be easy as pie. :) Let me know your thoughts. Thanks again Kyle. Have a great day man. CrittendenIV My mom thinks this is the best thing ever. She's not into tattoos, but is pretty certain this is the best thing ever. I agree. This will be hard to top. -- Do you want this? Send your offer for Full Body Mugwump Tattoo to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
********** Celeste's Super Signing
I am willing to trade a performance, by yours truly, at your event/place of business. I will provide my vocal abilities and will sing whatever is in my power to sing. (no strip clubs or anything like that please!) All I need is time to prepare and to know the nature of the event/place i am to sing at, and transportation, food and a place to stay etc. I know this doesn't sound like much since I am not famous (yet) but if i were to acquire the recording contract I very well could be. How cool would that be, an opportunity to have someone sing for your event/business before they're famous! I'll do autographs, photo's etc and you'll always be able to drop my name and impress people. "Celeste? I knew her back before she hit it big. We talk all the time! sure I'l try to get an autograph for you!" etc.... What do you think? If you want an example of my singing, I can email you a song that I recorded on my computer (criminal by fiona apple) or you can call me and I will sing for you! I can also provide testamonials from musicians that I know as to my singing ability and such. Thanks for your time in reading this and for providing such a neat idea/website. I love it. Celeste Send me a sample of your singing! I'll post it on the site! -- Link to Celeste's singing = http://odeo.com/audio/773503/view -- -- Do you want this? Send your offer for Celeste's Super Signing to oneredpaperclip@gmail.com
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37 comments:

devin said...

I think your mom is the coolest thing ever, and the offer for the tattoos is the second coolest thing ever.

3:57 PM
Anonymous said...

the tattoo thing sounds like the best bet.

11:21 AM
FromBard2Verse said...

Mate, Whatever you do, Always remember that the best things in world come for free. Ride well, and have a good life

11:22 AM
Barbara Simpson said...

I personally like the Mexican beach bar idea. 14 months? Food and drink included? Plus 2 furnished BRs? I'd take it myself. Except, of course, that I know nothing about bartending. Or running a restaurant. And I don't have anything to trade. But still...!

4:52 AM
Autumn said...

Go with the Mexican bar!

1:22 AM
Anonymous said...

Kyle, GO FOR THE MEXICAN BAR. Think about it. What has more funtential than leaving everything behind and going down to Mexico for a year to run a bar?! It's like something straight out of a movie! You are bound to get lots of cool offers form crazy backpackers and the like. Sure, the ring is a safe bet, but it's too conventional, which is something this blog is definitely not. Full body tattoo? Cool, yes, but probably not bound to get as many offers. The bar is by far the best bet. GO FOR IT. I have nothing to trade, but man, if I did I'd go for it.

Good Luck man.

7:54 AM
Anonymous said...

Don't do the Mexican bar thing, I t wouldn't be legal if it ended up with a foreigner. Non-Mexicans can't own land or businesses in Mexico without some kind of legal hassle

2:40 PM
Anonymous said...

Hey I just saw you on T.V.! WOW! I can't beleieve you are actually doing this! xD Well good luck with your house thing!

3:09 PM
Anonymous said...

Hey Kyle!! It's Jarod (from home) you know I've been following all this from the start and I have to say this is a tough trade; you've got some very tempting offers!
The Mexico thing sounds great but there's cost involved "utilities & operational costs not included". The tattoo sounds good but I don't know if I'd donate my body to an artist I haven't met before not to mention you'd be marketing this whole thing to a very select genre of person's...i.e. those who want to be tatty'd from head to toe. So overall aside from the offer of "willing European girls" (which is kind of disturbing and I wonder what Wal-Mart thinks of that one) I think your best bet is on the year's free Phoenix accommodation, although I don't think it's even close to the value of a recording contract, anything else would be a step back or to the side...sorry English Bay Batter (I love your cookies too!)

I hope this helps...somehow I doubt it will but...

Say Hi to the girly for me & we'll see ya when you're home next!

Cheers

Jarod (from the block)

4:27 PM
lumberjacktown said...

I'ts obviously the Tattoo deal or the Bar on the beach. Someone needs to really step up here and blow them out of the water!

2:16 PM
Anonymous said...

good things come to those who wait...

Grandma used to say that!

3:30 PM
Anonymous said...

Kyle--I think the...
-mexican bar is better if there are no legal hassles
-tatoo is better if someone wants to offer up a good trade for it
-accomodations in Germany and Virgina are good if the other two don't work well

OR

just wait if anything like the General Lee comes up (or something)

6:37 PM
Anonymous said...

i would go with the diamond ring.
Man, you are a genious

7:02 PM
Anonymous said...

Hey Kyle,

Man you rock, kudos to you. I think the accomidations in Germany or the tattoo is the best bet.

7:06 AM
Anonymous said...

Go for the free accommodation in Germany and Virginia!

2:50 PM
Anonymous said...

Hey Kyle,

I am a teacher in Halifax, NS and have used your story to inspire teenagers that no dream is to big. We have discussed how we all want more in our lives and if we are creative, a person can work toward getting what it is that they want. I think what you have done is tremendous, and I to think that something as small as a red paper clip, could do this. I wish you all the best.

5:05 AM
Anonymous said...

You should go with the NASCAR logo and sell that to a huge company

8:04 AM
Anonymous said...

go for the banff hotel deal. the hotel deal is like the trip to yahk except twice as long and in a different place. but only if you think it is a bigger or better offer. if not, do the advertising on NASCAR

8:56 AM
Anonymous said...

Hey Kyle,

What you are doing is amazing. Good luck with getting your house, I garantee you that you will get it sometime soon. Your best offers right now I believe is the bar in Mexico where you should be able to make enough money to buy a house (but I know u want to trade up so...) and the two appartments in South Germany and Virginia aswell as points off the records. You might even get better offers, good luck...you are an inspiration

9:51 AM
Anonymous said...

Dude, go for the bar, that would be friggin awesome.

10:19 AM
Anonymous said...

the Nascar Advertising space, especially on the HOOD, is VERY valuable. I'd go for that. Is the driver Busch series or Nextel? that would make a difference. Busch, if you dont know, is the minor league of racing, which then makes Nextel the Majors.


Good luck, dude.

2:41 PM
Anonymous said...

I deffently think this is a really awesome story. It obousley must be awesome if it is in the paper and were being told about it in school!! If i were you i would deffently take the mexican bar that sounds really cool an i think it would be the closest one to the house!

4:18 PM
Anonymous said...

Nascar ad space...wow....now that is worth trading. I agree with anonymous...some big company will nab that pretty quickly!

10:34 AM
Anonymous said...

One year running a bar in Mexico. Sounds like the premise for a reality TV series. Maybe some production company wants it.

6:06 AM
Anonymous said...

Dude, the tattoo. Seriously, the tattoo. I wish I had something worthwile to trade you, but I don't. *sigh* Considering the immense popularily of TV shows like "inked" and "Miami Ink" though, I bet someone'd take it.

1:18 PM
Anonymous said...

Dude, coolest website ever!!! But my friends are totally gunning to get you that house for the contract! Wait it out buddy!

7:24 PM
Anonymous said...

The tattoo is the way to go. But there has to be something in there about transportation..and a full body tat can takes years...just so people know..

9:38 AM
Anonymous said...

The comedian´s trailer seems impressive. A production company should pay top dollars for hiring this guy over the world cup or may even get you a professional camera. Go with it!

8:49 AM
Anonymous said...

The tattoo is the only way to go! It's a way too amazing opportunity to waste!

9:19 AM
Anonymous said...

Free accomodations in South Germany for LIFE?! That is such a great deal, I can't imagine people not jumping for it with some great offers!! Good luck with your house!

12:41 PM
Geckomayhem said...

Tattoo vs. Mexican Bar eh. You've got my vote to swap that recording contract out for the bar. After all, how many people that want a full body tattoo are likely to have something that tops that?

8:07 PM
Anonymous said...

Of all of them so far, the nascar ad space is the best bet, good luck. I hope its a big four bedroom!!

5:52 PM
Anonymous said...

I would go for the tatts, you have to rember with the nascar thing its not nextel or busch. its lower its one of the elite series, this is like the single A baseball of nascar.

10:51 PM
Anonymous said...

Go for the ring if any. I would hold out for something bigger though. The tats would take quite a bit of time, (being a tattoo artist, I know these things). The mexican bar seems iffy, a shady deal. I think the recording deal is too good for any of these things really.

7:40 AM
Anonymous said...

You could definitely find someone to trade you a house for that mexican bar.

7:51 PM
Anonymous said...

I think the post about a Reality TV show, tied into this premise is an awesome idea. Maybe some TV EXEC. will see this and the proceeds to sell your story for a movie and or Reality TV show will get you your house!!!! Good luck....what an imaginative idea.....best site since www.savetoby.com

James McCormack

10:17 PM
Anonymous said...

Some offers here are obviously redicoulus in comparison to the tattoos or the bar. I think there is no need to even think about all the other stuff.
The Bar thing sounds like a lot of work. And you can never be sure that you'll make any money. But there are a lot of tatto-fans out there how would give anything for a hole-body tattoo.

1:47 PM

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