Rhyme Time

Been writing rhymes all day long. Not sure why, I've never done it before. Just downed a few cups of coffee in the morning and never looked back. Maybe it's Tom Green's new rap album with beats by one of the Dust Brothers that put me in the mood. Yeah, you could say I'm definitely in an upbeat, comedic white guy rap mood. Mix The Beasties with Beck and add a bit of Tribe Called Quest jazz rap flavor to the mix, and that's where I'm at. I think I'll start a hip hop outfit. We'll be called Followers of the Old School and I'm MC MacD. Anyone else in?

Here's a sample of some rhymes of the day (in no particular order)

Win the World Series
Like the Soxes
With a Jack Russell
You can hunt foxes

A seagull ain’t an eagle
And a beagle ain’t a lamb
If you wanna eat toast
Then spread the jam

Like a liger I’m bred
For my skills and magic
I’ve heard you rhyme
It’s pretty tragic

Like hanging with people
Who make me think
Like hanging with people
Who make me drink

A Colt 45
Is a quality gun
The Portuguese
Make a nice bun

A Colt 45
Is a quality beer
If you buy a jet
Get a lear

A canker for a wanker
And a chore for a bore
We got a lot of rhymes
We got rhymes galore

If you wanna sleep late
You gotta hit snooze
The puck’s in the net
And you’re gonna lose

Up and down
Side to side
Slow moving vehicles
Are usually wide

Back up sit down
You’re making me frown
I went to Burger King
They gave me a crown

Got a thick wallet
Like George Kostanza
Everything’s in it
It’s a total bonanza

Checking you out
Like a cashier
You drink cider
I drink beer

If you think my rhymes
are predictable
I’ll end the next line
With orange

Nothing rhymes with orange
Not apple or banana
Like to eat fruit
And piranha

Hiccup in a pickup
Tan in van
Don’t like the song
Then push scan

Always like to drive
A Subaru
You’re just a nail
And I’m a screw

When I eat an apple
I always hiccup
My teeth are clean
From their 6 month chickup

40s on credit
At the depanneur
Don’t call her sister
Call her soeur

Check the mic
Check it real real good
You gotta check the mic
You really really should

So break up the fight
And go close the light
It’s the end of the night
And I wanna get a bite

Cold in the winter
Hot in the summer
The chicks in the clubs
Might give you a hummer

It’s all done now
It’s over you see
You paid the cover
I got in for free

Seen lotsa chicks
Wearing a scarf
Seen lotsa dudes
Cold watched them barf

Diversionary tactic
Measures are drastic
A big cup of coffee
Will make me spastic

Not many Kyles
Have stood where I’ve stood
Grew up in a house
Made outta wood

Go buy a Toyota
Go buy an Echo
Buy some insurance
Buy it from the Gecko

I like to smoke
When I wager
I win all my bets

Lite Brite
Lite Brite
Drink some Jager
And start a fight

Yeti pizzaghetti
From the himalaya
Know lots of chicks
Are you a playa?

Got a picture of an eagle
On my back
A big Poutine
Makes a great snack

Got an auto
J’ai un char
Jean Leloup
Il joue de la guitare

If you stuck around this far, then you might find this next bit intriguing. It's the lead in to my new biased skiing vs. snowboarding tribute song called Four Edges. I haven't started writing it yet, but I have the lead in:

"This goes out to all the mid 1990s snowboarders out there. I’m talking about all you firefighter pant-wearing, 1985 Ford Escort with the Alice in Chains Jar of Flies tape stuck in your aftermarket Alpine faceplate tape deck at the Mount Baker banked slalom where everybody's still upset about Kurt Cobain with your freshly shaved head sitting on your ass in the park bumming smokes from a teenager, dude. This next one goes out to you."

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