Been writing rhymes all day long. Not sure why, I've never done it before. Just downed a few cups of coffee in the morning and never looked back. Maybe it's Tom Green's new rap album with beats by one of the Dust Brothers that put me in the mood. Yeah, you could say I'm definitely in an upbeat, comedic white guy rap mood. Mix The Beasties with Beck and add a bit of Tribe Called Quest jazz rap flavor to the mix, and that's where I'm at. I think I'll start a hip hop outfit. We'll be called Followers of the Old School and I'm MC MacD. Anyone else in?
Here's a sample of some rhymes of the day (in no particular order)
Win the World Series
Like the Soxes
With a Jack Russell
You can hunt foxes
A seagull ain’t an eagle
And a beagle ain’t a lamb
If you wanna eat toast
Then spread the jam
Like a liger I’m bred
For my skills and magic
I’ve heard you rhyme
It’s pretty tragic
Like hanging with people
Who make me think
Like hanging with people
Who make me drink
A Colt 45
Is a quality gun
The Portuguese
Make a nice bun
A Colt 45
Is a quality beer
If you buy a jet
Get a lear
A canker for a wanker
And a chore for a bore
We got a lot of rhymes
We got rhymes galore
If you wanna sleep late
You gotta hit snooze
The puck’s in the net
And you’re gonna lose
Up and down
Side to side
Slow moving vehicles
Are usually wide
Back up sit down
You’re making me frown
I went to Burger King
They gave me a crown
Got a thick wallet
Like George Kostanza
Everything’s in it
It’s a total bonanza
Checking you out
Like a cashier
You drink cider
I drink beer
If you think my rhymes
are predictable
I’ll end the next line
With orange
Nothing rhymes with orange
Not apple or banana
Like to eat fruit
And piranha
Hiccup in a pickup
Tan in van
Don’t like the song
Then push scan
Always like to drive
A Subaru
You’re just a nail
And I’m a screw
When I eat an apple
I always hiccup
My teeth are clean
From their 6 month chickup
40s on credit
At the depanneur
Don’t call her sister
Call her soeur
Check the mic
Check it real real good
You gotta check the mic
You really really should
So break up the fight
And go close the light
It’s the end of the night
And I wanna get a bite
Cold in the winter
Hot in the summer
The chicks in the clubs
Might give you a hummer
It’s all done now
It’s over you see
You paid the cover
I got in for free
Seen lotsa chicks
Wearing a scarf
Seen lotsa dudes
Cold watched them barf
Diversionary tactic
Measures are drastic
A big cup of coffee
Will make me spastic
Not many Kyles
Have stood where I’ve stood
Grew up in a house
Made outta wood
Go buy a Toyota
Go buy an Echo
Buy some insurance
Buy it from the Gecko
I like to smoke
cig-a-rettes
When I wager
I win all my bets
Lite Brite
Lite Brite
Drink some Jager
And start a fight
Yeti pizzaghetti
From the himalaya
Know lots of chicks
Are you a playa?
Got a picture of an eagle
On my back
A big Poutine
Makes a great snack
Got an auto
J’ai un char
Jean Leloup
Il joue de la guitare
If you stuck around this far, then you might find this next bit intriguing. It's the lead in to my new biased skiing vs. snowboarding tribute song called Four Edges. I haven't started writing it yet, but I have the lead in:
"This goes out to all the mid 1990s snowboarders out there. I’m talking about all you firefighter pant-wearing, 1985 Ford Escort with the Alice in Chains Jar of Flies tape stuck in your aftermarket Alpine faceplate tape deck at the Mount Baker banked slalom where everybody's still upset about Kurt Cobain with your freshly shaved head sitting on your ass in the park bumming smokes from a teenager, dude. This next one goes out to you."
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